Silly Scottish/English Jokes

Vile Blogger Stuart Campbell (Wings over Scotland), for whom I have a high regard, appears to be indisposed for a few days. So since I'm by profession a linguist, here's a Scottish/English joke to cheer him up:

Queen Victoria, on a visit to the Highlands, after eating Stu (correction: stew [pun intended]): That was delicious. Tell me, what was in it?

Highland Clanperson: Och, weel, ma'am, there's leeks intillit, and potatoes intillit, and...

Her Maj: Really lovely! And what, pray, is "intillit"?

Highland Clanperson: Och, weel, ma'am, there's leeks intillit, and potatoes intillit, and...

The conversation could go on for ever - she's asking about the meaning of the word "intillit", and they're telling her what's in the stew. And that takes us on to

Joke 2

about two old besoms hingin' oot the windaes in Auld Reekie (gosh, what a patronising choice of words!), of whom Dr Johnson said, "They'll never agree. They're arguing from different premises." Indies and Yoons simultaneously beheaded at one stroke. And the mention of Dr Johnson takes us on to one of the founding fathers of the Scottish Enlightment, Francis Hutcheson, and

Joke 3

in which Hutcheson talks of passing a building-site where the builder's chimney has accidentally fallen on him and killed him, and a cleric quotes somewhat tastelessly from the Bible with the words, "Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord, for they rest from their labours, and their works follow them." That's why we need no Tories, but we do need Health & Safety!

Can somebody please get this tweeted to Stuart Campbell? Remember his official name on this site: Vile Blogger Stuart Campbell open brackets Wings Over Scotland close brackets, with capitals on each word.

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